When somebody close to you dies, they tell you that you’ll get used to being without them. I’m not sure I’d agree with that. My father died in 1998 and I miss him more every day. I am used to the fact that he won’t ever send me a birthday card or pick up the phone to have a chat, but I’m not used to the fact that I won’t see him again – most certainly not in this life.
We were incredibly lucky to have my father. He was without doubt one of the most decent human beings in the universe. He was kind, strong, principled, loyal, loving and had a lovely sense of humour. He was also a quiet man, the middle child of a large family of 7 children, brought up in real poverty in the early 20th century, not used to getting attention or special treatment. He did everything he could to make sure that his daughters had a better life than he had, constantly doing without so that we could have a bit more. He was often frustrated with life, a clever man with limited education, quick to identify injustice in the world and the lack of equality in society.
He wasn’t perfect but he brought us all up with a strong sense of morality and right and wrong. Most of all we knew without any sense of a doubt that he loved us and that he would always be there for us and we all have lots of lovely memories of him.
I’ve had some difficult times since he died and over the years, I’ve wished more than anything that I could talk to him about it all. He would always have a sensible, common sense approach – it wouldn’t take the problems away but often just putting things into a simpler perspective makes things easier to deal with.
So I guess it’s not surprising that I miss him more every day. As a very down to earth Englishman, my Dad wasn’t one for overt displays of affection but I still used to make a point of telling him I loved him and I know he appreciated it. He never had or wanted much in life in the material sense but he knew that his family loved him very much, so he didn’t need much more.
I’d love to be able to sit with my Dad and have a chat again but have to make do with my memories of him. If you’re lucky enough to still have your parents, make sure that you give them a big hug whenever you see them so that they know you love them.
Marie